From: Chicago South Loop

I started this because I’m confident that my friends hate me. They are tired of long texts, detailed reports, half assed analysis of shit most people don’t care about.

It is a weird place to find yourself. You hit a certain age or enough changes in your life and you start really getting into things you don’t understand. If it hasn’t happened for you yet, then you haven’t hit that age, or you aren’t living enough. If you have, great. But take it from me, keep it to yourself.

No matter how tight or on the same page you think you and your friends are, your buddy doesn’t care about Pynchon and the postmodernists. The don’t care about symbolic rocket science or vectorism, especially coming from you, who doesn’t know shit aside from that its interesting. They don’t care how PTA has changed over the years, or how the jam band movement is going away, or have any idea what music to listen to in general. Some have even outgrown it.

They DEFINITELY don’t care about a Cover-3 Defense. Or how Rich Rod changed the game in 06 by telling Pat White to pull it against the backside end. They THINK they do, because they sit around all weekend watching with their hand down their pants just like you do. But they aren’t watching where the “skiff” player lines up in zone. Or how deep the corners are. Or how Saban had the Tide man blitzing out of “Cover 1 Robber” for a decade before Clemson and Georgia figured it out. They think Jalen Milroe is a first rounder. They think CFB in general is stupid because “the same teams always win”. They miss the point. They watch the NFL all weekend thinking its going to change next week. They plug themselves into a wall at night.

Yet I still hit them with it. They get texts from me at 6am Monday morning detailing my weekend watch of There Will Be Blood for the 35th time. They get my notes on the montages and if I’m sold this time on the Paul Dano performance. They don’t care and I’m bothering them. If I said I’m a yapper, you would agree.

God forbid Umphreys Mcgee covers Steely Dan or goes all improv and the Madison Orpheum. I cant help myself. Everyone I know will know about it in 3 hours. Ill even send the clip. They don’t watch it. They don’t answer. They think even less of me. What the fuck kind of mid-30s adult follows a band around called “Umphreys Mcgee”?

I cant help it and it will never stop. So here it is, where these thoughts go. You made it here too. You’re in the void, and here it comes.